Identity Crises
Here I am.
I took this photo a while ago. At the time I was not feeling to good about myself. I was grumpy. When I am grumpy and down I usually feel inspired to take pictures. When I initially set out to take this self portrait I wanted it to look clean, crisp, and bare. It was like my cleanse. A fresh start in my mindset. I started out with no make up on and my hair was pulled into a tight pony tail without a single loose hair. I did not like the way the pictures were turning out. So I ran off to put on a little mascara and I was more okay with the way the photos looked. In the end I thought they were still lacking a bit of character. They weren’t me, I’m not a ponytail type of girl. I like my hair loose and messy.
When I was a younger I struggled with self confidence issues. To me, the world was against me…or just didn’t like me. I kept this to myself though. When I look back and think about how I felt I kick myself in the butt because I know it wasn’t how people were.
In a few stages of my life here is how my thoughts and life was ruled:
In elementary I was always concerned with making sure that people liked me.
In junior high I was always concerned with being the coolest and doing the right thing. I went from being the rebellious punk kid with black hair and dark makeup to a girl with blonde highlights and colorful makeup by the end.
In high school I was so concerned about how I looked and what people thought of me, to the point where it was putting my health at risk.
Now:
I am completely happy with who I am. I am always striving to be better and the best I can be but I am not as hard on myself. I appreciate what and who I have in my life. I am optimistic about where my life can go and how far I have come. I am so happy to be close to the people I am close too and have the love the I have. I still slip sometimes and go into my little introverted bubble, that bubble is popped pretty quickly though as long as I remind remember to look on the bright side and do things that make ME happy.
We are all human beings. We have the same goals in life – to survive. We will all take different paths and you can not compare your journey to someone else’s, only take it as inspiration and create your own awesome story!
“When you stick your head above the crowd, someone is bound to throw a tomato at it.”
It was my second year of high school that I learned I won’t fit in and no amount of trying could force acceptance from my peers. So I quit trying then and haven’t regretted it. Excellent post and photo!
Realizing that you are much different then everyone (everyone is different from everyone) is the easy part but I think it takes strong people to really step away from everyone else’s rules and live their lives to impress themselves.
Thank you
It definitely does because if you are willing to define and live by your own standards and rules, you wind up standing alone in a torrent of people who ‘go with the flow’. Like anything else, this becomes easier the more you do it; it’s getting used to it that’s hard.
I love your Blog. What you like and don’t like and who you are even when you are not feeling like yourself.
Awesome
I thought I was an alien from another planet the whole time I went to school. the fact that I went to five different high schools didn’t help my sense of belonging either.
Great! Your honesty is fantastic. Cheers to you!
Thank you! I try to live as honest as possible both with myself and everyone around.
I like your message here! You certainly don’t look grumpy in that photo – beautiful!
Your self-confidence is inspiring.
Your eyes are very soulful too, if you do not mind my saying so.
It makes me very happy to here that I am inspiring.
And I do not mind you saying that my eyes have soul, I appreciate it! thank you.
Simplicity says it all.I liked it.Inspiring.
In some ways you described me from back in my school days. Glad I outgrew that quickly & glad you did too.
And – look at those eyes!!!
Stunning capture and amazing storytelling. Lovely! Thanks for sharing!
No problem and thank you for the compliment!
Women are always willing to take the brunt of whatever upon themselves. I was shocked to learn that men don’t immediately assume that it is their fault, because i did. Anyway, great post!
I think most women do. I can not say all do. Each person is different and we all have our things that we need to work on. The important thing is that we acknowledge where we need development and we go on from there.
Thank you